In the first part of this discussion, I shared my experiences of being hurt by some men but also healed by the positive actions and protection of others. I made the case that many men feel alienated when they are portrayed as inherently part of the problem in the conversation about gender-based violence (GBV). But now, I want to look into why masculinity is vital to addressing GBV and why we need to engage men as allies in this movement.

Let’s start by recognising that masculinity itself is not the problem. Being masculine is not inherently harmful it is about how masculinity is expressed and how men live out their roles as men in society. Healthy masculinity involves strength, protection, leadership, providing for others, and being emotionally resilient. These are qualities that benefit both men and women.

For example, men’s strength isn’t just about physical power it is  also about emotional resilience and the ability to stand firm in the face of adversity. A man’s leadership is about guiding others through difficult situations, whether in a family, community, or workplace. These are aspects of healthy masculinity that create a stable and secure environment for everyone.

What we should strive for is masculinity that values responsibility, respect, and honour masculinity that aligns with integrity and empathy, where men understand their power and use it wisely to help others, protect their families, and support the fight for justice.

We cannot address gender-based violence without the active participation of men. This is because gender-based violence is a societal problem, not one confined to women. Men are an important part of this conversation, not just as perpetrators, but as protectors, leaders, and allies in the fight against violence.

Men as Protectors and Defenders

Men have always been protectors whether of their families, communities, or countries. This inherent role as defenders can be harnessed in the fight against GBV. Men can use their positions of power and influence to protect those who are vulnerable, including women and children. This doesn’t mean protecting them from their own actions, but instead, actively standing up against violence, challenging harmful behaviours, and promoting respect.

Men who live with integrity and respect are vital role models. They lead by example, showing younger generations how to treat others with kindness, dignity, and fairness. They mentor and guide other men and boys in understanding what it means to be a strong and compassionate man. These men are the ones who can shift the conversation and create brave spaces where both men and women feel heard, valued, and respected.

Men have a powerful opportunity to support survivors of GBV. They can be allies by listening, providing emotional support, and advocating for justice. When men stand up for those who have been hurt, they contribute to dismantling the toxic idea that men and women are enemies in this fight. By aligning with survivors and showing respect for their experiences, men can create a culture where GBV is not tolerated.

Breaking the Silence: Men and Emotional Expression

A key aspect of Healthy masculinity is emotional expression not to be confused with weakness, but as a healthy part of being human. Men often face societal pressure to remain stoic, avoid vulnerability, and repress emotions. However, true strength lies in a man’s ability to express his feelings, understand his emotions, and communicate openly.

Men who engage in conversations about their own emotional health, challenge toxic stereotypes, and advocate for equality make it easier for others to do the same. It’s important that men recognise their emotional well-being as a strength, as this benefits their relationships and their ability to combat harmful behaviours in society.

Creating an Inclusive Movement Against GBV

The most effective movements are those that include everyone in the conversation. Men cannot and should not be excluded or labelled as the enemy in the fight for equality and safety. Instead, we need to focus on building partnerships not between “good men” and “bad men,” but between men and women who are committed to creating a safer world for our children.

To build an inclusive movement:

We Need to Encourage Open Dialogue: Conversations about gender-based violence should allow men to participate without feeling attacked. Rather than focusing on blame, we should focus on solutions, working together to create a world where respect and dignity are the norms for everyone.

We Must Create Spaces for Men to Be Allies: There are many men who want to help but feel like they don’t know how. By providing platforms where they can learn, ask questions, and understand the impact of violence on women and children, we allow them to become part of the solution. Men should feel empowered to speak out against violence, to hold each other accountable, and to stand up for what is right.

Recognise the Strength in Working Together: Gender-based violence is a societal issue, and both men and women need to be part of the solution. When men feel they can engage in these conversations without judgment or guilt, they will be more likely to actively contribute to ending violence.

In the fight against gender-based violence, we cannot afford to alienate half of the population. Masculinity, in its healthiest form, is a powerful force for good. Men are not the problem they can be the solution. Healthy masculinity, when expressed in ways that promote strength, respect, protection, and compassion, has the potential to create real change.

By encouraging men to step forward as allies in the fight against GBV, we can build a more inclusive, supportive, and effective movement. We need to focus on fostering respect, understanding, and collaboration between men and women because only then can we break down the barriers that allow violence to persist.

It’s time for men to be part of the solution, to use their strengths for good, and to stand together with women and children to create a world where everyone is safe, respected, and valued.

With love, Sandra

Your Resilient Expert