If You Are Not Failing, You Are Not Learning

Most of us want things to change, but we are not always willing to let go of the comfort that holds us back.

For 10 years, I was a full-time stay-at-home mom. It was a decision I made to raise our children and instil the values that mattered most to our family during their formative years. Stay-at-home moms are often underrated, but we can do wonders (that’s a story for another day). During those 10 years, I studied a degree in psychology and political science. When I graduated, I had to re-enter the world and reintroduce myself.

For me, there’s nothing more daunting than starting over in your 40s. Everything felt uncomfortable. I felt like I didn’t belong, and I had to unlearn things in order to grow. The stay-at-home mom version of me was no longer serving me, it had become a hindrance. My husband could see that I was struggling with the transition, so he suggested I enter a beauty pageant. “You love pretty things, and it’s something just for you,” he said. I figured, why not? I needed to learn how to walk in heels again, something that wasn’t necessary when dealing with young children.

This journey changed me in ways I never expected. I loved every moment of it, and I finished in the top 10! Here are some key lessons I learned during my time as a beauty queen that I believe are relevant to anyone going through change:

Have an Experimental Mindset
Life is a series of experiments, not final exams. Instead of fearing mistakes, treat every action or idea as a test. The goal is learning and refining, not perfection. With this mindset, I was able to learn a lot, have fun, make new friends, and discover the woman within me, not just the mom or the wife. This transformation benefitted my whole family.
Curiosity Over Certainty
I stopped asking, “What if I fail?” and started asking, “What happens if I try this?” Certainty keeps you stagnant, while curiosity drives you to explore and learn. It turns you into an amazing problem solver and encourages growth.
Action Over Analysis Paralysis
Confidence is built through action. During my pageant journey, I had to approach companies and individuals to gain their support. I pitched myself, learned to convince strangers to believe in my dream, and got better at acting quickly on ideas.
Fail Fast, Learn Faster
Failure is no longer something I avoid. Do I enjoy it? Of course not. But I have learned to use failure as feedback and see missteps as data on how to do things better. If you are not failing, you are not learning.
Progress Over Perfection
I’m a perfectionist by nature, which can hold me back. But through this journey, I learned that growth and iteration are more valuable than getting everything right the first time. The key is to keep moving forward. Once you start progressing, you can refine your skills.
Resilience in the Face of Uncertainty
I became more adaptable because I wasn’t tied to the outcome. The process is where the magic happens. The real victory is in coming out the other side of any journey as a more resilient person.